Bella's Backstory

In loving memory of
Bella Hope Evans

In August 2019 we found out we were pregnant with Bella, I was nervous but excited. I was 6 weeks gone when I found out I was pregnant. From then on my pregnancy was in somewhat pretty easy going. The 12 week scan went amazingly and we even had a perfect gender reveal announcing that our healthy baby was going to be a girl.

The next scan we had to face was the 20 week scan. We were just so excited to see her again. Being pregnant was always alien to me, I was in constant awe that a tiny human was growing in my belly. I always wondered if she liked us talking to the belly and whether she enjoyed the belly tickles me and her daddy would give her once we got into bed at night. She was my little night owl keeping me up late at night kicking; the best feeling in the world.

At the 20 week scan, we were called into the room. It didn’t go the way we wanted. The sonographer discovered there was something not right with the back of our little girls head and insisted she needed a doctors opinion. Our hearts sank, we were walked round to sit and wait for someone else to come and speak to us. Panicking and shaken up, there we sat waiting. What could be wrong with our perfect girl. Then we were told, “your baby has a rare form of spina-bifida that only affects 1 in 10,000 babies and we need to do a more in depth scan to confirm this” .
It was then both our hearts shattered from just one sentence. I had never experienced a panic attack in my life until this moment. I felt suffocated with pain. After the detailed scan we were then informed Bella had what was called an Encephalocele sack on the back of her head. This meant that she would not survive outside of the womb once born and that it was a miracle we had even got this far along in the pregnancy.

At 26 weeks after a long, hard, painful month of battling for answers and an 11 hour labour our precious angel girl; Bella was born. On 13th January at 00:19am the lives of us and both our families had changed forever for the worst and the better. The moment she was handed to me I was the proudest mommy there could ever be. She was perfect. I remember looking over at her daddy with his arms wrapped round her not wanting to ever let her go. How could this of happened to us. But she had the most perfect nose, lips, hands and feet. She was long in length and weighed nearly 2 pound. She definitely would of been tall like her daddy. I lost count at how many times we kissed her perfectly plumped cheeks. We just couldn’t get enough of her. She was told over and over how much we loved her and if that alone was enough to save her, she would’ve outlived us all. Then the time came to say our goodbyes so she could be handed over properly to the angels. Her send off was amazing.

Nothing prepared us for how traumatic leaving the hospital with empty arms would be. We was broken. Let alone the constant reminders. Every day was a challenge, the empty feeling it leaves you with. Waking up day after day feeling numb, wondering if you’ll ever laugh or smile again. Coping after the loss of a baby is such a hard thing to do, I don’t think you ever do cope just plod along. But meeting Bella was the best thing in the world and we are forever grateful for the fact that we; all her family got to give her a good snuggle and appreciate her to the fullest. She stole all our hearts.

As time has passed we are starting to learn to live with the grieving process. A year later the pain is still there, this loss feeling we have will never leave us. But we have learnt to live alongside it. Her presence lives on throughout us all, but most of all her little sister. Harlow was born exactly a year later and resembles so much of Bella which fills our hearts with the most joy. I believe Bella gifted us Harlow and lives above us in the clouds everyday, keeping us safe as a family.

Our first born precious girl, we love you always and forever. Your mommy and daddy xxxx