Donovan's Backstory

In loving memory of

Donovan May-Hurley 

16.05.20

On the 12th of May 2020, what we thought was an easy pregnancy turned into the most heartbreaking thing. The day of the 12th I had gone for a scan at 17 weeks 3 days. Not yet knowing my baby was a little boy, who we named Donovan.

When scanning me the Consultant noticed lack of fluid around Donovan and also cycts on his kidneys which at that gestation didn't normally appear on scans. I was sent away but asked to come back for 3pm the following day.

It was a stressful time anyway, having a pregnancy which seemed perfect but happening through a world Pandemic, not being sure of the risk or effect it could have on my unborn child. Scans were hard as I had to go alone and and I wasn't expecting any news like this. My partner Luke was not allowed to come to scans through this pregnancy apart from a private appointment we booked at six weeks when the baby was the size of a poppy seed and the scan where we found out about Donovan's condition.

The day after my birthday on the 13th of May at 3pm Luke and I waited patiently to be called in to the room where they had scanned me just the day before. Luke was so oblivious to what was happening as everything seemed to be going fine. When we went in, we were both greeted by the same Consultant and I felt a sinking feeling during my scan. I don't know if many people can tell from scans but when there are lots of whispers involved and time spent scanning, you almost feel like something must be wrong.

We were told to sit in a room opposite in Fetal Medicine and the Consultant came in to tell us the bad news. Donovan had a very rare condition called Polysistic Kidney Disease which had effected both kidneys causing the lack of fluid around him. We were both told Donovan would have had no chance of survival as without either of his kidneys being able to function the fluid would not be enough to help develop any lungs.

During this news we were both told our only options, which were to either wait for his due date knowing he wouldn't survive or have a medical termination and deliver him early. I have a medical condition which effects my womb making half the space for any baby to grow, so with this I'm also at risk of a preterm birth. I didn't expect to be making the impossible decision to go home and then have my baby born sleeping only 3 days later.

I felt leaving us to wait for anything bad to happen would have only caused us more and more pain and I didn't want to start feeling movements of my baby who I knew would be leaving us. I chose to have the Amniocentesis straight after hearing this news because not only did I not want to keep coming back to the hospital and be reminded of where things would end but I felt the day couldn't get any worse. The Amnio was to check of any genetic causes in which a gene may have caused the kindey disease. Still to this day it is being investigated by the specialists and we are now expecting another boy in May 2021.

Making the decision to go back to the hospital after a few days at home knowing things weren't OK but his heart was still very strong was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. In a way, I felt like I was hurting my child by choosing to end his pain. I had to decide what was right for him, but also what felt right for me, and I didn't want him to be in any pain or suffering.

We finally held our little boy Donovan who was born sleeping on the 16th May at 08:20am. A day which we shall both never forget. Just before his birth we got told he was a little boy by a nurse who became very familiar to me and Luke. It come to my surprise as I was convinced I was having a little girl. I even asked if she was sure there was no "Fe" before the male.

Me and Luke will never forget our first born,
with help and support from those who are there for us I feel I have been able to get through some of the pain and greif. Even though the greif still lives with us every single day, I find comfort in knowing there is support out there for people like us.

With the help of the Woody and Winter Foundation and their Feathers bereavement group, I feel I have been able to remember my little boy and share my experiences. The group is filled with other parents who sit and listen and might understand how I might feel. The group for me has been something that even on bad days is able to help me through, it's also been something I do for myself. What comes with loss is sometimes a taboo or an awkwardness of speaking about ones who you have lost, this may be because they're scared to talk about it incase of upsetting you or also because they don't know what to say. But that being said, I am truly greatful to those who don't necessarily have to say anything but still try.

We had a cremation for Donovan in June and to this day we will always love and remember him. In remembrance of Donovan we chose the Highland Cow, as Donovan was a Taurus. When he was in his moses basket he had a cow teddy with him which was a present from his nan. 

We love you Donovan. Mommy & Daddy xxx